So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
