i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
