Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
