I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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