Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
