She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
