OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
