he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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