You smell like stripper and shame
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
