i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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