and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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