nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
