She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
