i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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