So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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