Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
