dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
