my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
