I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
