Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
