Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
