he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
