Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Randomize
