Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
