She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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