He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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