i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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