I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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