you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
