we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What a dumb baby whore.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
