May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I tried to get the guy I like to âspit shakeâ on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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