then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize