We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
