none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
