apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
