Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize