Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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