a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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