im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you had me at cake vodka
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
