I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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