How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
