How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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