boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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