My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
