its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize