Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
