Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
