Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
