pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
