im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I smell stomach acid.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
