I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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