How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
