So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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