Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
