is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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