I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
