You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
