I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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