i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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