I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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