i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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