Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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