you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
