Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
