i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
