listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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