I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
