Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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