Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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