I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
