i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
