I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
