New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
