jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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