:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
