Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
