Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just gargled with NyQuil
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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