Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
