Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
