The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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