i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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