I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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