you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
