He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
