Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
