guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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