My Higher Power is John Stamos
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
