In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
