For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
