im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
