ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
