it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
