I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
